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start at the end

by Tamar Berk

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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    (Second Pressing) Signed 12" 180 Gram vinyl of Tamar Berk's sophomore release "Start at the End."

    Includes unlimited streaming of start at the end via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 70 days

      $25 USD or more 

     

  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    The limited edition compact disc of "Start at the End"

    Includes unlimited streaming of start at the end via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 14 days
    3 remaining

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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1.
Can I ask your permission to be someone else today To say what I want to say In a different sort of way. Can I ask your permission to be the perfect wife To have the perfect life Just maybe not today Oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh I got that feeling I’ve been here before Oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh Will you remind me what I came here for? Can I ask your permission to turn and walk away Without caring what they say And let the drama play Can I ask your permission to be a kinder soul To play the gender role Just maybe not today Oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh I got that feeling I’ve done this before Oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh Will you remind me what I came here for? Some days I don’t care I just wanna shut my mouth Just wanna take ‘em out Some nights I think twice I don’t wanna be myself Just go somewhere else Some days I don’t care I just wanna shut my mouth Just wanna take ‘em out Some night I think twice I don’t wanna be myself Just be someone else.
2.
tragic endings Tragic Endings happen all the time Will I be any different? Standing, crying in the check-out line Don’t want the lady to see me read about Another reality queen Lost her man, her home, her dream. So I fumble for my keys and I wonder what she thinks of me? I read the endings of books before I even turn to the beginning. My heart can’t take surprises anymore I’m losing faith in happy endings. And so it is another restless day I need to get away. Somewhere by an ocean breeze and I wonder if you’ll go with me? Don’t you tell me it’s gonna be alright That’s not where my head is right now. Just wanna paint the picture in black and white So I can be prepared for the worst-case scenario. Unanswered letters happen all the time Will this be any different? I try to sit and plan what I might write But I’ll just blame it on a misprint. And so it goes another sleepless night Feeling so damn uptight. And I try to tell you in my dream that I wonder if you’ll wait for me? Don’t you tell me I should really hang on until the story’s over. Just wanna know exactly who’s right or wrong and finally get some closure. And don’t you promise me that things will work out fine That’s not what I’ve seen lately. Just wanna know the ending that’s my battle cry So I can be prepared for the worst-case scenario.
3.
hoping this day won’t kill us Desperate feelings like paint that keeps peeling Revealing the colors of past roommates and lovers Interpreting faces is now just contagious The emotional toll is like grief and it’s stages And I’m hoping this day won’t kill us. I’ve hardly begun to pick up this mess And I’m starting to forget all the things that I said So let’s just pretend to start it over again And go inwards and outwards and never again words. And I’m hoping this day won’t kill us. Sweep up the leaves, smooth out the sheets and keep going. Straighten the books, dust off the shelves and keep going. Tidy the drawers and mop the floors and keep going. Under the beds and in my head I’ll keep going. When nothing makes sense then nothing is true So I’ll go through the motions just like they tell me too But that one single day I keep referencing to Has become everyday it’s a deja vu. Sweep up the leaves, smooth out the sheets and keep going. Straighten the books, dust off the shelves and keep going. Tidy the drawers and mop the floors and keep going. Under the beds and in my head I’ll keep going. And I’m hoping this day won’t kill us.
4.
Seems to me like it’s a perfectly good reason If you take a step back and see. Cause I’m admitting that it’s mostly about me then So don’t take it so personally. And when I try to talk to you the way I think I should, It seems the conversation never ends that good. And I have no idea why I start a fight, I guess I’m better off alone tonight. Seems to me that it’s just the right solution If you wait and think it through. Cause I’m admitting that I’m just the kind of person That on occasion gets confused. And when I try to talk to you the way I think I should, It seems the conversation never ends that good. And I have no idea why I start a fight, I guess I’m better off alone tonight. I think that you know, I lack self-control And sometimes I say the wrong things. But just for today let me go away And feel what it’s like to be lonely. And when I try to talk to you the way I think I should It seems the conversation never ends that good And I have no idea why I start a fight, I guess I’m better off alone tonight. And when I try and make it through the way I think that I could I hear that never-ending promise we misunderstood And I could never tell you why I start that fight I guess I’m better on my own tonight.
5.
june lake 02:35
6.
7.
sweet relief 04:36
I don’t really know if this is the end It’s just an X on the calendar day again. So we’ll sit like detainees. Looking for a sign of relief. Sweet relief. And so you talk too much as usual And mostly about yourself when you get uncomfortable. And I’ll hide beneath the underbrush So we’ll never have to talk about us. About us. And I’ll wake up in the middle of the night. Sleepwalk into your bedroom light. And I’ll be this way until the rest of my life Cause I had so much more to say that night. And then I walk right through the crowd. Thinking thoughts I’d never say out loud. And I see that open door But I don’t know who it’s for. Who is for? And I’ll wake up in the middle of the night. Sleepwalk into your bedroom light. And I’ll be this way until the rest of my life Cause I had so much more to say that night.
8.
real bad day 02:26
9.
no chair 03:30
No Chair This home ain’t no home when I’ve got no chair to sit on. And there’s just no point when I feel like I can’t move on. ‘Cause my mood is too huge that I might break in two. And my voice is too old now it’s just me and you. The clouds they stand still when you got no one to talk to. And the ghosts of this place are not letting me past the window. ‘Cause the view is too huge that it might crack in two. And my voice is too old now it’s just me and you. So let’s go on… Move on… Cause I don’t want us to miss this… And there’s no more time and there’s no witness. Another grey morning to wake up and find you’re long gone. And the photos and pictures are all I have left to go on. And I’m moving too slow and there’s nowhere to go And I keep thinking that you might still say hello. So let’s go on… Move on… Cause I don’t want us to miss this… And there’s no more time and there’s no witness.
10.
I gotta wait this out again. I’ll hold my ground ‘til the bitter end. I’ll close my eyes and I’ll shut my mouth. And I’ll keep saying my prayers to keep the devil out. And until the circumstances change I’m gonna stay in bed. Cause it’s a time of calculated waiting is what the pennies said. And I will let destiny keep playing with whoever it wants instead And I’ll keep planting those dandelions in my flower bed. I’m gonna step aside this time. I’ll let ‘em fight it out and I don’t mind. No matter what I do or say Is gonna come across in any better way. And until the circumstances change I’m gonna stay in bed. Cause it’s a time of calculated waiting is what the pennies said. And I will let destiny keep playing with whoever it wants instead And I’ll keep planting those dandelions in my flower bed. I sometimes don’t know why I try when it comes back to me every time. ‘Cause everyone’s got something to prove, something to lose And I’ll never know what it’s like being you. And until the circumstances change I’m gonna stay in bed. Cause it’s a time of calculated waiting is what the pennies said. And I will let destiny keep playing with whoever it wants instead And I’ll keep planting those dandelions in my flower bed.
11.
12.
just be 02:31
13.
I caught the chalk dust in my hands at last, last night. And I collected all the words I tried to write. And I was waiting to explain before they blew away But the sun came down too fast on my feet. And I stayed glued to my seat. And when I tried to make a move you stood in my way. A monument to bad decisions I almost made. And it choked out the daisies I planted that day But damn, I feel good after a drink. So I’ll just sit here alone and think. But I promise….I promise you…. This is me trying This is me trying This is me trying to get through the day. I’ll only let you ask me once And I’ll be honest when I say it And then we’ll burn the tape or never even play it. But I promise you…. This is me trying. This is me trying This is me trying to get through the day.. Don’t let me fade away….. Don’t let me fade away….. Don’t let me fade away………

about

"I read the endings of books before, I even turn to the beginning.
My heart can't take surprises anymore, I'm losing faith in happy endings."
- Tamar Berk from Tragic Endings


This is my follow-up to The Restless Dreams of Youth. "Start at the End" was written after my father died in June 2021. This was the most emotional challenging album that I've ever written. This album means the world to me and I hope you will love it.

credits

released April 22, 2022

Tamar Berk - vocals, guitar, bass, wurlitzer, strings, synth, harpsichord, organ, percussion
Matt Walker - drums, percussion
Chris Davies - lead guitar (your permission, tragic endings, no chair, dandelions)
Rob Wrong - lead guitar (tragic endings, alone tonight, sweet relief, real bad day, just be)
Chris Marstellar - lead guitar (this is me trying)
Matt Thomson - bass (your permission, tragic endings, hoping this day, sweet relief, no chair)
Allen Hunter - bass (real bad day, just be)

Recorded by Tamar Berk, Matt Thomson, Sean O’Keefe
Produced by Tamar Berk
Mixed by Sean O’Keefe
Mastered by Justin Perkins at Mystery Room Mastering

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Tamar Berk California

In its entirety, "Tiny Injuries" is a masterful odyssey through the labyrinth of grief, revealing the painful yet cathartic journey towards acceptance. Berk's lyricism, juxtaposed with a delicate indie pop soundscape, orchestrates a symphony that doesn’t just play but reverberates in the very marrow of human emotion. ... more

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